When Nancy and Randy met, he wore a shirt that said, "I'd rather eat worms than ride a Honda". In particular, Randy's ride was a '65 Electroglide; the ride they took on their honeymoon and so many more adventures. Their marriage was adventurous and I enjoyed the treat of being able to hop on for rides I'll never forget. The Harley days were good days. But, as in all marriages, there were times of tumult. During those hard years we were estranged, and we grew more and more apart as our beliefs and values changed. I missed her.
Nance and I had always had an on again, off again sisterhood as long as I can see back. Times when she was there for me and times she shunned me. I had my own past difficulties to work through and hadn't made it easy on anyone, but at some point I began to fight for my path to God and my value in Him. She took a far different approach than I, and as I found myself lovingly embraced in the Catholic Church, she chose a way that was in some ways contrary to my faith. My faith was a path that, had she known, her deceased husband had also secretly wished for before he died. She feared this...and maybe this is why she feared any conversations with me about faith. Now that she was in hospice, I felt a deep need to be with her, to be along side her on her via dolorosa. I had no idea if she had any faith, or if she did, what exactly was it?
My neighbor down the road was a newly retired hospice worker. He was so very helpful in his advice, so, feeling renewed and inspired, I prayed every so fervently for God to show me just one thing I could do to help Nancy; anything at all no matter how small...
As was now becoming our new habit when trekking to see my sister, my husband and I stopped at the shrine of Our Lady of the Highway, Queen of the Mother Road. She stands majestically on the side of Old Rt. 66 in Raymond, IL. For over 60 years she has been watching over travelers, blessing them on their way, whether they realize it or not. We'd stop and ask her to intercede for our visits and to guide Nancy on her sorrowful path, her last road to Eternity. What could I do to help?
Early on in those prayers, The Holy Spirit gave me guidance (and wisdom to keep my mouth shut and just listen). Soon Nancy shared with me of having numbness in her feet. I asked if she'd let me massage them for her. After just a bit of hesitation she consented, and this became the beginning of our weekly 'spa' visits. The interesting thing about massage or human touch: it has a very physical and psychological effect as mental walls come down, one by one. Each spa day, I'd give some relief from the pain and tension, and each spa day, she shared some deep pain she'd held onto for so very long, way back to her teen years. Each pain she shared was now for me something I could give to God; to beg His Mercy over and heal her pain. She didn't know how many Divine Mercy Chaplets I'd prayed for her during those precious times, sometimes keeping count of them on her toes. One thing I didn't expect was how much healing God was giving me at the same time.
I love to sing. I've always loved to sing, but Nancy didn't like my voice and she told me so in more than just words. In the past 20 years I've gotten past her negative response to me and I serve as a cantor at church. I've held no grudges, but I knew better than to sing anything for her unless it was in some way humorous. One day while we visited she was swishing her dry mouth with a prescription rinse which made her feel so much better. Inspired, I began a little James Brown's "I Feel Good." Nancy's frail body began to dance as she swished. Such a joyful, sweet moment that was for us! Later visits allowed us to share the songs and musicians we loved and there were more similarities than not. Bonnie Raiit made us both shed good tears, but one day she took me completely by surprise. "Have you ever heard of the song Panis Angelicus? Have you ever sung it? It gives me chills...I don't know why". If Nancy only knew just how much I love that song and how often I sing it! Just another thing for me to pray into for her! These were healing moments for me. I wanted so much to sing this for her but something kept holding me back. The timing was just not right.
One other unexpected healing moment is worth mentioning. Quite unexpectedly as we were visiting Nancy said to me, "The little sister has become the big sister." Being the youngest of five, I've always felt that I'm always and ever will be the youngest. I know it's not an intentional thing, but seems to be what so many youngest in the family feel; a sense of not really having anything new to offer in the conversation with siblings. It may not be true but the thoughts are there none the less. I thanked Nancy for that and told her why that meant so much to me. She told me I should never feel that way. Here I sought to bring healing to her and she was bringing it to me.
As Nancy's reprieve was drawing to an end I beseeched God to draw me to him, to wake me at the moment she would draw her last breaths, and pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for her. This was my constant prayer. My brother also was praying for a moment he could fly in from out of state to be with her, asking his 'rep' in Heaven, St. Thomas More, to intercede. He found that moment on June 22, 2023 and spent that time praying as she lay unconscious. Twenty-four hours at most was the update he sent me. I had already said my goodbyes a few days before and entrusted her to God's Mercy. Now as I finished up my rosary I felt God pull me over to Adoration, asking me to place her in His Sacred Heart. I ran to Him and prayed. Coming home I told my husband I needed to go to Our Lady of the Highway. I felt compelled. As I left I noted it was 2:20. Perfect. That would put me at the shrine at 3:00, the Hour of Mercy. As I headed down the block, I felt as though God was saying to me, "You can let her go now, she's with me." That can't be, I thought. I'd heard this before when I was with my dear uncle as he died. Must just be wishful thinking. "You'll need to be clearer than that Lord." Now with Our Lady, praying for Nancy in her passion, I felt the peace of God and trust in His love. Upon arriving back home my nephew called. His mother had passed. "What time did she pass?" "2:20." And, a consolation for my brother: he realized upon returning home that she passed on the feast day of St. Thomas More! What did Nancy hear from our Lord at the moment of Mercy? I could envision Jesus with her, telling her it's time to go. And I could also hear Nancy's answer, with a new light in her eye, "Sounds good...sounds real good."
Post Script:
The first weekend after Nancy passed I was scheduled to sing Panis Angelicus for Mass. Now indeed I could sing this as the prayer I'd hoped it would be, and I've no doubt that she heard it that way. Now she knew why that song gave her chills! God's timing is always perfect!
The first chance we had to visit the shrine of Our Lady of the Highway came a few weeks after Nancy's passing. We were running later than was our plan and I was feeling anxious to get things done. As we arrived at the shrine there was such a sight to behold, causing me heart to skip a beat. A group of riders on Harley Davidson's were parked at the shrine. I could hardly wait for the truck to stop and park, so much I desired to talk to them! The pilgrims were a group from California, on their way to Milwaukee. They had seen the image of Our Lady of the Highway in a casino in Gallup, NM and were inspired to stop. This seemed an appropriate place to pray as they were on a memorial ride for their dear friend, Jimbo (we also had a family member named Jimbo who died in an auto accident). He was engaged to one of their friends, Gracie, and had died suddenly. While taking down Christmas decorations he suffered a mysterious stomach pain and passed within hours of arriving at the hospital. The love these riders had for their friends was deeply felt. What a joy it was to spend this little time with them, to pray with and exchange blessings. There were too many 'coincidences' to ignore. Norma, who's sisters had battled cancer (my husbands mother, Norma, had died of cancer), shared hugs and tears. One of the men was retired and had family living in other states such as Broken Arrow, OK (where Norma is buried). And of course they were all on Harleys. It was a God-incident that brought us together that day in that perfect timing of His. As the engines began their beautiful, low, bass rumble, I heard Nancy once again..."Sounds good...sounds real good."
(I played this song often as I prayed for Nancy. Waited all those years for a time to pray she find her way 'home')
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